Blank Stare
by catniphawthorne
Summary: It had broken her, crippled her beyond belief and it seemed in that moment that the odds would never be in her favor.


a/n; so this is my second hunger games fic that just sprung into my mind (: I hope you guys like it as I'm quite proud of it. I feel like katniss/gale never got the ending they deserved, I feel like their parting was too rushed and gale mainly never got the resolution he deserved. don't get me wrong I love the books but I felt as though katniss and gale's ending wasn't done correctly, but thats just me. so please read and tell me what you think :D song recommendations- bring me to life- evanescence (basically explains Katniss's struggle)

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That was the last of it, everything packed up and everything ready to go. She was the only one returning (besides Haymitch and he knew he didn't want to; he was only doing so for her). Honestly she wasn't sure where else she could go, before she had known anything of District 13, District 12 had been her home. It had been the start of her old life and in some ways the end of it. She couldn't kid herself anymore; she knew her old life had ended the second she had volunteered for Prim at the games, her old life has vanished the very second she had screamed those immortal words 'I volunteer as tribute'. She sometimes wondered what her life would have been like, if Prim hadn't been called, if the odds had worked in their favor and she hadn't been forced into the hunger games. She wondered if a rebellion still would have occured, or if nothing had happened and everything would have remained the same.

Thinking of Prim shot a pain through her heart, Prim was the only person Katniss had completely and utterly loved. Thinking of her laugh, her smile and how much she had grown since the 74th Hunger Games pained her, but more than anything; thinking of how she would never see her alive again pained her above anything else. Her Mother had spiraled into depression after Prim's death and was helping rebuild hospitals in District 4, Katniss hadn't even bothered asking her to return to District 12 along with herself; she had already known what the answer would be. She knew the second Prim had died; her relationship with her Mother had also died. Even though she didn't say it out loud, her Mother blamed Katniss for Prim's death and she wasn't the only one.

It was a pain to return to District 12 herself because of the memories. Seeing the ruins of her first house, the place she had grown up in, seeing the tangled and broken metal fence that she had slipped under so many times to go hunting, and then the bakery, the ruins of the bakery where her fake lover, her Peeta who she missed so very much had lived before he had gone insane and died. His death had hit Katniss hard; the jabber jay venom had infiltrated too close to the system and he had eventually gone insane, not knowing what was true and what was false, he had managed to escape the guards before taking about 8 nightlock he had found in one of the storage rooms. She could still remember walking in the storage cupboard to hide but instead finding the lifeless body of her ex lover, she had screamed all day after that and had been put back on the morphling.

"You ready to go sweetheart?" Haymitch's slur hit her ears and she nodded, she had no idea how he was drunk again and how he had even got hold of any liquor but she didn't care, she was just glad to have someone; anyone to return home with her. "I'll be by the entrance" He spoke, picking up his only bag and stumbling towards the corridor, leaving Katniss alone with her thoughts once more. That was one thing she hated, being alone too much, being left alone with the thoughts she wished she could erase.

The nightmares were the worst and they were always the same. Prim almost always appeared, her blonde plaits swinging behind her as she ran, the top of her skirt sticking out like the little duck. Peeta also appeared a fair bit, sometimes he would be screaming at her, calling her a mutt over and over again; but then sometimes he would appear dead, his lifeless body unmoving on the cupboard floor, purple smudges decorating his mouth from the nightlock that had ended his life. Finnick and Annie appeared sometimes, Finnick would be falling to the floor, his chest slashed open, his green eyes sliding shut in death. Annie would always appear on the surgery table, her legs covered in blood, her stomach ripped open, unmoving. Johanna often appeared as well, her short stubble of hair sticking out underneath the Capitol helicopter, after shooting a simple propo.

"Katniss!" She heard Haymitch again and she quickly grabbed her only bag, scooping up the large grey jumper of the bed and yanking it over her head, she buried her nose in the smell, tears pricking at her eyes as she did so. The smell reminded her of so many things; it reminded her of fresh spring, hunting in the mud and hugs filled with warmth. But most of all it reminded her of who the smell belonged to and who had once owned the jumper she was clutching.

Gale.

His face invaded her nightmares the most, only falling short of Prim. It was always the same with him, she would see him in the woods, hunting with her, smiling with her and then he would be gone. The scene would change then and she would then see him kneeling on the floor in front of the Capitol building. He had been captured by President Snow after trying to save Peeta from his clutches, it had been weeks afterwards he appeared on the steps of President Snow's building, covered in cuts and bruises and slashes. Katniss would have barely recognized him if it wasn't for the look in his eyes, the defiant look; the look that said 'you can hurt me, even kill me but you will never break me'. It was true that they never broke him but they killed him on the spot; using a bow and arrow to the brain, just to unnerve Katniss even more.

That death had really ruined her, above all over's (bar Prim's) it had destroyed her. She had sobbed for what seemed like weeks, not touching her food or her bow and arrow ever again. That was when she had started hiding in the storage room again, wallowing in her grief (until she found Peeta in their, nightlock scattered around him, his eyes wide and unblinking). After she had found him she had started to hide under a desk in one of the old classrooms, rocking back and forth clutching at Peeta's Mocking Jay pendant, never taking her eyes of the picture of Gale. It took her months to realize he was gone, to realize her best friend was gone. It had hurt beyond belief, and it had been the cause of the medical bracelet that still dangled from her bony wrist.

"Last time Katniss" Snapping her out of her thoughts, she zipped Gale's jacket up, huddling it close to her. Hazel and the rest of his family had gone to District 2, taking Annie's baby boy with them after she had died in child birth. It was a miracle the baby hadn't died, a small miracle in light of everything that had happened. Hazel had a fair amount of compensation and had agreed to go to District 2 for a fresh start and new start. Katniss couldn't help but think that Hazel would have come back to District 12 if Gale were still alive, just like her own Mother she was running from the memories.

"I'm coming Haymitch" Her voice cracked slightly; she didn't really talk much anymore, who did she have to talk to? Most of the time she just kept quiet, wallowing in her grief for the loss of her friends, most of all her best friend and little sister; those were the deaths that had her classed as 'mentally unstable'. Katniss wondered who the fuck wouldn't be mentally unstable after so much war and death. She had told the Doctor just that after Gale had died, and he had her restrained and sedated for two days; adding 'anger issues' to her long list of medical problems.

The Doctor had suggested she see a counselor to deal with her grief. She had gone once, remaining silent before the timid Women had mentioned Gale. That was when she had seen red; screaming at the Women to shut up before throwing a chair out of the glass window. Again she had been sedated and restrained for two days, the only up side being no one suggested counseling again.

Shuffling her feet to the door, she shut her old compartment door behind her. She had originally shared it with Johanna before she had died and then she had lived alone, refusing to let anyone live in it with her. More than often she locked herself in the compartment for days on end, lying on the floor and tracing circles with her fingers. After a while people had stopped bothering her, they left her be and she was happy for that. Haymitch was the only one who still bothered; the only one who met her every dinner time to force food down her. He had broken down her door twice to force her outside for some food and water, and more than once he had stayed with her as she sobbed over Prim, over Gale and over everyone she had lost. He was the only one who still cared and Katniss couldn't understand for the life of her why.

The door swung open and she met Haymitch's stare, she knew she walked around like a dead person; like a zombie. Gale's death had done that to her; it had crippled her. Peeta death had upset her further but not as much as Gale's had. Prim's death had literally killed her, she knew after Prim's death she would never get better, even after Gale's there was a small amount of hope that she would get better but after Prim's death that hope had been snuffed out like a light. There was no getting better after that. All the other deaths; Finnick's, Annie's, Johanna's, Delly's, Cinna's, hell even her god damns prep teams deaths had helped kill her bit by bit but it wasn't until Gale's that she had felt broken and then Prim's that had been the final excruciating nail in the coffin.

Ignoring Haymitch's stare she moved past him and out of the door, out of District 13. Katniss winced as she was met with the sunlight, she hadn't been outside for months. After the final battle in which Prim had died, along with President Snow and President Coin, and so many others, she had secluded herself and hadn't left the compartments of District 13 since. Holding a hand in front of her eyes she walked towards the helicopter, silently hoping it might plummet to its death on the way to District 12. She had often contemplated suicide, she was already dead inside, and surely dieing physically would make no difference? However she couldn't do it, she just hoped a natural death would come swift and fast to take her away from the agonizing pain, maybe a natural disaster or a sudden illness would overcome her, but she wasn't hopeful.

It seemed from the second Prim's name had been called, to when Gale, her best friend and soul mate had died to when Prim herself had died, the odds had never been in her favor.

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so who's seen the hunger games in the cinema yet? akslekaiceams, how amazing was it?

anyways hope you guys enjoy this fic, its first death fic I've written so please give me feedback :D review m'lovelies!


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